I believe it was 1991 when I got into a tussle with the Snake River. The river won. I fought with everything I had, but lost consciousness in a horizontal hydraulic. I can’t say with certainty that it was God, or circumstances that saved me, but I should have died and I didn’t. Either way, my life now is bonus time. What I learned from the river is that I’m not in control of when it’s my time to go. It seems like a cold, hard fact, but once I accepted it, life seemed more precious to me.
I’m giving you this background story so you’ll understand how I feel about things now. I’ve heard many times lately…”You’ve got this”. I love all the support and encouragement I’ve been getting, but I think I need to disagree. I’m not in control. I don’t have this. If it’s my time to go, I’ll go. Don’t get me wrong, I’m doing everything possible to beat this cancer. The prognosis is good, and I believe I’m gonna be just fine. They say attitude matters, and I’ve got a good one. I make the appointments fun for my doctors and nurses. I’m still making music, and even working in the garden. I eat right and exercise. If anyone can beat this it’s me, but still….I’m not gonna live forever.
However, I will live today. I’m really gonna live….every day until I die! I have a great life, filled with love and music. I will always enjoy being a grumpy old man with a mushy inside. I’ll keep doing what I do, for as long as I can. But I won’t fight fate. I’m not in control. I feel confident when I say, I ain’t got this! I never did, and never will.
Tomorrow I get two brachytherapy treatments. They’ll insert seventeen tubes into my prostate, and put radioactive pellets inside the tubes. They’ll be in there for an hour in the morning and another hour in the late afternoon. They’ll give me a saddle block so the tubes can stay in all day. That creates the toughest part of the procedure…..staying in bed all day! Yikes! And I’ll do the whole thing again in two weeks. After that we get to play the waiting game, to see what the cancer does. We’ll see what God, or circumstances do.